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Friday, October 7, 2011

Last Friday Update 10/7 @ 10:39pm


I want you all to know, that when I write it's what I'm feeling at the time.  I am missing Maxwell, and some days are tougher than others.  When I have the time (usually at night) to stop & look around.. I see that I'm in a not so strange place anymore, but a place that now has a special meaning to my family.  Family!  I am a mom of two, one of my little angels has passed away, and the other is growing and eating, and we are eagerly waiting for her transport home! 

I know that God didn't take Maxwell away from us because we maybe couldn't financially afford him, because honestly, that would mean a lot of babies would be taken away.  There is a reason, I'm not sure what is, nor do I think it's important at this time.  The fact is that Maxwell was a preemie, and he was sick; and I wish it hadn't happened that way.. there was so many plans that I would've like to include him in and have his sister grow up with him.  And that's what makes me sad.. the what was going to be!  So, read my story, and pray for my heart to heal.. in due time.  Gone, but never forgotten!

On a lighter side, Gracie had another great day.  Chuck & Lorraine were here and we had a nice visit with her.  The nurses put her in her 2nd gown today that I had bought from preemie proud.. so I'm going to buy a couple more, that way I'll have four outfits to change her into, because she does puke up some bile sometimes, they are only worn a few times.

She's so beautiful!  I just want to scoop her up & take her home!  Daddy is on his way up first thing tomorrow a.m., it's nice to see pictures of her, but surely nicer to see her in person without her being attached to a tube.  The tape on her face is holding the feeding tube in, because our daughter is a 'grabber', and they're afraid the tube will come out.
They upped her formula today to 24 calories, hoping to help her increase weight.  She went up 10grams last night, not enough to reach another ounce yet..but she'll get there.  I hope tomorrow she gains an ounce or 2 :).

Dinner tonight was pasta :(.  Beggars can't be choosers, but there was also butternut squash soup & salad.  I had the soup & a good size plate of salad.  It was satisfying.  I'm not a big pasta fan at home (maybe 1x a month), and here it was served last night, tonight & then again tomorrow (lasagna).. So, I have definitely planned we are going out for dinner.  Thanks to my in-laws for the Olive Garden gift card, I love olive garden, but I don't even think I can eat that tomorrow.. time for some steak! (And at home I only eat steak about 1x a month too)

We miss you Daddy!! I gave alot of kisses to Gracie today from all her friends especially from Daddy!!

Goodnight my friends, old & new, some I don't even know!!
pattie & gary, gracie & maxwell (forever!)

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