Definition of "flaming" = pass judgement; assault verbally because you don't agree.
I'm feeling a little emotional today.. Let me start by saying I love staying home with Grace..and I am trying very hard with her to take bottles (when she's awake), getting down on the floor with her and helping her to roll over, take toys, laugh, & talk. It's a LOT of work! But it doesn't stop there.. (as many of you moms know).. it's laundry,
planning & cooking dinner once G gets home.. and I enjoy doing it.
But I feel this is all I am. I've talked about this before.. I really need to find something
for ME! To do, to be, something.
It's daunting, I think, because Grace & I have literally been without a car since
we've come home in December. I do, on the occassion go outside for a walk with her..if it's not too hot. But unless I 'plan' on dropping G off at work to keep the car (which has it's own other things to do to prepare for that).. Grace & I stay home.
Don't 'flame' me.. I am grateful that I can stay at home with Grace 24x7..
but I do need to find time for myself.
My 'mother's helper' is camping with her family.. I think I'll go to a movie once she is back, by myself.
When I think back to this time last year.. I at least had all my friends via text at all times, a computer.. the bothersome of doctors & nurses who visited daily & daily ultrasounds of the babies. Even when I was discharged, I had the craziness of the RmcD house people watching.. and kept my sanity by watching Grace grow daily.
My preemie mom friends have all been there..the days leading up to their baby's first birthday's..the actual day they were born & what led them to that day of
their baby being born early. We all talk about it. We share that .. it literally sucks!
The feelings are overwhelming.
The days leading up are even sad. For most, they didn't lose a baby in the process..
but there are some that did. I don't know what I'm feeling about that.. I do know
that I'm happy with Grace & she amazes me daily... just with her smiles..
Tomorrow is day out for us.. because I have to go for some bloodwork in the a.m.
The plan is to get up early, (so I'm going to bed early.. Grace was up early this morning.. we aren't sure if it's her teeth or what!), plan a diaper bag, drop G off at
work, bloodwork, and then I'm going to go to our new Church location to
sift thru some bills. Grace has PT at 11:45, so we will be home for that. I don't want her to miss out on her PT & her PT to miss out on seeing Grace roll to her belly!!
I am blessed to have Grace & Gary in my life.
I am blessed to know Maxwell for 4 days, some don't even get that opportunity!
This is what we planned & talked about for the years prior to our babies..
and my only wish is to have Maxwell waking up at 3, 4, & 5 am too!!
I'll be okay.. just needed to vent!
Thanks for reading!!
Love,
pattie
Pattie,
ReplyDeleteWe all feel that way! this is so normal. You can call me any time you want to just get out for a walk or have coffee, if you like.
babies are hard. Babies with needs like Gracie's are harder. I remember when AJ was little and struggling through everything, there were days I would fantasize about running away.
If you need to vent ever, feel freee to drop me a note. Im here
There's nothing unusual about feeling lonely, isolated, and stuck when you are only doing one thing -- even a thing you love -- all day long with no adult company. There's a reason traditional cultures had people live close to each other and share work: it relieves the stress and boredom of being alone. As wonderful as your daughter is, she can't be the only person in your life all day. You both need other people.
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